shatteredd. again (:

2006-09-26T15:09:00.000+08:00

"i see the way you look at her.
i'd be lying if it didn't hurt."

got that from a blogskin .

speaking of blogskins.. I'm getting more and more fussy.
cant seem to find a suitable one to change to .

i'm still wishing.
still keeping my mouth shut on a lot of things.
sigh.
teenage life.
sucks.
i remember i couldnt wait to grow up when i was in primary school.
to gain independence. to meet more people.
but now.
i'd rather be stuck at home.
than to be here.
dying from the pain and stress.

sugar.
i know you most probably wont be reading this..
but.. just.
follow your heart okay..
go ahead and win her heart <3
i'll still be around if you need me.
i'll always be k. (:

well. back to the whole emo / suicidal mood.
it sucks.
was holding back my tears in school today.
had exams.
couldn't concentrate at all.
which was.
so fucking expected.

kimm. <3

2006-09-23T15:06:00.000+08:00

hmm. yeah. okay.
so the here's the poem i promised..

flipping through the textbooks,
only to see your name written on almost every inch of the pages.
written over the notes,
are your beautiful initials.
opening up the box on my table,
are bits and pieces of our memories.
the things you gave to me ,
the notes you wrote ,
a diary of ups and downs between us,
photographs of you and me ..

now I'm sitting here all alone,
striking your name off the pages.
erasing your initials from my notes.
now I'm lying on the hard cold floor .
turning over the box.
throwing away the things you gave,
tearing up the pages of the diary,
burning up the photographs and the notes you gave.

breaking down ,
emotions overflowing.
I'm left here .
soul shattered like a broken mirror.
wondering what went wrong between us.
I can't seem to find a answer.
the pain's overwhelming,
mountains of unanswered questions left hanging in the air..
memories flashing in my head.
I don't want them anymore.
times of us being together,
I'd rather they be forgotten for good.

Because you don't even care now.
you don't know how I felt.
you don't understand.
you just kept quiet.

But why is it so hard to face it now ?
Why do I still send messages to you ,
and fear your reply ,
when I know deep down you wouldn't even bother to .
And disappointment fills the emptiness within me,
Pain consumes me,
Sorrow.. has already became one with me .

(:

done ! wahah.

2006-09-22T15:13:00.000+08:00

"bruised and battered by your words,
dazed and shattered now it hurts.
but haven't i always loved you
/ well i'm sorry i took your love for granted"

oops. sorry. haha. addicted to Almost Here lahh.

i <3 the lyrics luh.
and i aspire to be an author.. or lyricist.
that dream seems pretty far away though.
or maybe even unreachable.
seeing my .. current standard of writing.
eurgh. ):

i want to take lit in Sec3 can . x(
but still depends...
mum doesn't seem too keen about me taking lit luh..

blah. whatever.
i still remember..
in my P6 year.
used to write poems/lyrics then send to marie for her to edit ! <3
then will be dying to read hers.
i'm jealous of her can. x(
lalalas.
there used to be a poem. that we wrote.
then I only remember the last line lor.
cos i lost the file. T.T
something like.. "Crimson red flows"
tralalalas.
i'm outta here. for now .

and i keep pretending to be okay in front of you in school ,
almost everyday.
trying to refrain from talking to you.
we seem like strangers ,
within 24 hours.
wow..

2006-09-20T16:46:00.000+08:00

oh you silly girl .
look what you've gotten yourself into .
caught in your own web of
insecurities ,
fear ,
emotions .
think of your past
yearning .
hoping for it all to come back and
tears clouding your vision .

sweetie , you gotta learn to trust again .
cry yourself to sleep every night ,
what's all that for .
what's all that worth .
because Mankind is selfish .
and no one really cares .
you gotta learn to be independent now ,
survive on your own,
when no one's there to pick you up anymore .

--------------------------------

Sometimes ,
I just wonder.
Why am I hanging on for so long?
What am I pretending to be happy for?
How much am I worth?
Even if I'm gone,
The world will still spin,
The sun will still rise,
People will still be living their lives,
School will still continue..

Sometimes,
I just wish,
That I could turn back time,
And go back to the times when I was carefree,
Living life without a worry.
Back to the times when I was just happy.
Contented by the little things.
Back to the times when I wasn't influenced by what's going on around me,
So I won't be living life like it's a pain ..

Sometimes,
I just wanna let go .
Break free from all this pain
And worries
And suffering
Just like any other emotional soul..

------------

flipping through my old files. found a few creations brainchild (or should i say.. brainCHILDREN?) of mine.
hah.
well.. there's a few more.
but not convinent to post it up here. (:
not meant for some of you to see...
hmmm. i'm out.
------------

2006-09-20T15:40:00.000+08:00

it's over.
still trying to kick off my addiction for you .
hah.

anyways. two songs. (:

SKILLET - "A Little More"
Love is all around you now
So take a hold
Hidden in our words
It sometimes ain't enough
Don't suffocate day after day
It's building up
Cause when you're feeling weak
You know I'm strong enough

Just one more day
One more day

Oh, let the world crash
Love can take it
Oh, let the world come crashing down
Oh, let the world crash
Love can take it
Love can take a little
Love can give a little more

Love is indestructible
So take a hold
Sometimes hard to find
A reason good enough
I'll stand beside you
Never leave through it all
And faith will bring a way
To the impossible
Just one more day

One more day
Oh, let the world crash

Love can take it
Oh, let the world come crashing down
Oh, let the world crash
Love can take it
Love can take a little
Love can give a little more

You can find me
You can find me
You can find me anywhere
Take a look over your shoulder
I'll be standing there
Standing there

Love is all around you now
So take a hold
And faith will bring a way
To the impossible

Just one more day
(You can find me, You can find me)
One more day
(You can find me anywhere) [2x]

Let the world crash
Love can take it
Oh, let the world come crashing down
Oh, let the world crash
Love can take it
Love can take a little
Love can take a little
Love can take a little
Love can give a little more
A little more

Take a little more
Take a little more

aaaand

Brian McFadden & Delta Goodrem - "Almost Here"

Did I hear you right
'cause I thought you said
Let's think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause you're only almost here

I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause you're only almost here

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you
You're almost here
Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you
And when I hold you you're almost here
Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted
And now I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause I know I'm almost here
Only almost here

hah. sums it all up.
making me wonder if i should just throw the book away..
hmm..

2006-09-19T17:34:00.000+08:00

Oh, Oh
Im not missing you
Been through just about everything that I could go through
When it comes to relationships
Dont know what I was missing or why I aint listen
When I told myself that was it
Now here I go, hurt again
Cause of my curiousity
Now that its over
What else could it be he just had to cheat
I made a promise never to settle
Why didnt I keep it?
Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around

[Chorus]
(But) Im not missing you
Im not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me
Im not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because
I got life to do
I know Im usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone
But this time its different
I dont even feel the distance
Im not missing
Im not missing you

Its a shame in a way cause
I feel that I may not ever find the right one for me
Did I leave him, is he right in front of my face oh
Will my true love ever be?
Why would I go on a search again
When I know what the end will be
What good is love when it keeps on hurting me?
I made a promise never to settle
Why didnt I keep it?
Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around

[Chorus x2]
No I cant be with you
Cause I'm scared, felt like I was falling when you left me
I cant keep going through life
Unaware of what I missed
And the person I could be
Love's good when its right
And when it's left in your memory
All the times I let you down
I guess love will be nice for someone elses life

[Chorus]
Im not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me
You might have had me open
But I must be going because I know Im usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone
Oh different, feel the distance
Im not missing
Im not missing you

-I'm Not Missing You ; Stacie Orrico . (:

bleh. I like the song . although she's a bit.. monotonous? but the lyrics are great luhh. :D

still keeping things to myself .. not telling you . not telling anybody .

not giving a damn to explain myself. i guess i don't care if people misunderstand me anymore . i . dont. care.

i found the ring. Thank God .
kept it somewhere so safe. that I actually forgot . no . that wasn't sarcastic.

si monkey.
how the fuck are you now .
no. i'm not forgetting you . ):

-pepper pig. (:

2006-09-16T14:46:00.000+08:00

zzz. just got back to the office from compass point .
went to buy the Service Learning stuff from Cold Storage with Charlene , Elvina and KaiXin .

woot <3
marshmallows . plastic cups . ~~satay sticks~~ bamboo skewers . tablecloth . and kaixin bought the chocolate fondue machine alr. $79 only can. but problem is . the machine only takes chocolate bars.so yeah. have to buy chocolate bars . lots and lots of chocolate bars !
zzz. anyone cares to donate chocolate bars to us . hahaha .

have to go off and do my homework now.
yes. i'm finally doing my homework .
believe it.dont give me that weird look .
i know i slacked alot.
which is why I'm trying to catch up now isn't it . -.-

yesyes.
thanks for all your concern and stuff.
i'll try lor.
bleurgh.

~~random shoutouts~~ tag replies:

marie . salt of the salty sea~! : ahaha . ice on your head . watermelon lamb and peanut cow ! tigger still smells like your bro's cologne can . xD yeah. and I know you'll be around. <3

charlene . "boyfriend" xD : i'll try to cheer up yar. or worse come to worse.. pretend lor. (:

elvina. elfy. : ahahah! love you too can .

tiffany . tiffy wiffy the spiffy . : hahas. it's okay yar . zzz. i try larhh...

- & pepper's outta here.

2006-09-15T19:20:00.000+08:00

Different things. seperated by dashes.
someone just tell me why .

why the fuck am I crying.
why the fuck am I so paranoid.
why the fuck am I so hurt.

-------------------
TO : EMIEME (:
I guess.
I'll never forget your words.
Things you taught and gave me.
But now..
I presume..
That was goodbye .
I won't sms you anymore.
Won't trouble you with my problems anymore.
It's just what you wanted isn't it.
Take care..
------------------

I'm torn . ripped.
just shoot me okay.

We're losing it .
Still trying to hold on and be strong over here.
--------------
Snippets of 2 songs. to almost perfectly express how I feel in general.

My mind erased and I let the moment slip away
Another night got me sitting here all on my own
Picking up the phone,
But I cant get past the dial tone
Rocking my brain
Going insane
Again and again
I cant keep going this way
And your fingertips and the warmest touch
I've always missed
~~You're the strongest love that I've ever felt~~
Crushing I'm so into you, don't know what I'm going to do.
And so I'm left, short-of-breath
With that heavy feeling in my chest
Baby I'm so
Crushed

I'll protect you, don't be scared
No matter what, I will be there
Now I'm standing in the cold
(Everything is said and done)
Atomic winter in my soul
(From the absence of the sun)
The only remedy I know
Is I gotta let you go
But where were you when I was scared
~~A broken promise left me here~~
A post-it note is what I've got
It says: "I'm sorry, but I know you're not"
There will come a day when all of this is in my past
And there will come a day when you're out of my head at last
I'm trying not to fall
Damn it's such a long way down
But here I am
Everything is said and done)
Yeah Yeah Yeah
From the absence of the sun)
The only remedy I know
Is I gotta let you go
------------

emoshit.
i hate myself.
DONT tell me to be happy.
DONT tell me to stay strong.
It's not as fucking easy as you think .
So shut up and let me be .
I'll pick myself up in a few weeks to months time .

2006-09-14T18:04:00.000+08:00

okay. gotta rush out a post . i need and want to . hah. not funny. wasnt meant to be in the first place.

whatever.

been reflecting . hah. suprised i actually do ? dont be .
regretting and feeling stupid. for my bitchy attitude . and my fucking major moodswings. -.-
and i realised i dont even understand myself. so.. i guess i cant expect people to understand me .
hey. come on lah . i dont understand myself. how can other people eh . ha. ha. ha.

couldnt care about controlling my temper either. dont ask me why . just couldnt care. threw my book / diary / notebook / blah blah blah . whatever you want to call it against the wall . shit man . shouldnt have done that. -.-

oh well . got library meeting tmr. zzz. it's it really THAT surprising i'm in library . -.- whatever. and elvina pangseh me can . -_-" she's supposed to stay back with me tmr lah !

forget it . ahahha . (:

- pepper (:

2006-09-13T19:16:00.000+08:00

13th birthday . Considerable amount of bullshit from people . okay. shan't complain .
or rather. i'm trying not to .

okay . whatever .

got a bunch of happy birthday messages from some people . thanks yar .

presents from marie and mister sugar . hahahhaha . thanks again <3 xP damn cute lahh . ahah.

baby piglet + baby tigger.
yay !

(:

anyways..
yeah . i know i'm contradicting myself cos i said i wont be opening another blog anytime soon..
but just needed somewhere to type yeah .

- pepper (: